(This is the Introduction section to my very short ebook that is now available on a number of ebook portals, including Amazon).
Lately, I’ve been dismayed and shocked, to see news of school shootings yet again.
And then, I realized that I used to be like these disaffected shooters, when I was a teenager!
When I was about 14 years old, right after school, I walked to my bus, where the driver was talking with someone, and the bus door was closed. I asked the driver to open the door and she told me to wait. In a fit of rage, I kicked the door, shattering the glass.
And, in another incident, still 14 years old, I remember sitting in shop class, my then track coach was the substitute teacher for the day. Another boy, “Bobby”, had taken it upon himself to torment me. He would walk by and fluff my hair. This happened about 2-3 times. I was not happy.
Then, the next time he fluffed my hair, I remember blacking out. When I had come to, Bobby had a quarter inch long piece of pencil lead embedded in the palm of his hand, I was gripping a pencil in my hand, with no recollection of what I had just done. Piecing together the pieces, obviously, I had stabbed him with the pencil, in a fit of rage. At which point, I burst out crying, and in tears. To this day, I have no recollection of having stabbed him, in the hand, with a pencil.
As a teenager, I had enormous difficulty managing or controlling my emotions. When I was upset, it would sometime take days for the bad mood to pass. And I didn’t know why.
At about age 12, I saw two paths in front of me. One was to continue to go on “automatic”, and let the chips fall as they may. And the other path was to try to find a better way to live, as I was not happy with how I was living, and I didn’t know why. I took that latter path, and it became a lifelong journey, to find a cure for what ailed me, even though I had no idea what the problem.
This short article describes some of what I discovered in that journey. I hope that this article will help you, the reader, to understand how emotions work. Because once you understand how they work, the solution is fairly simple.
I am not a psychologist. I am not a psychotherapist. I am a programmer, by profession. But I have had the curious vantage point, of having once been totally unable to manage/regulate my emotions, as a teenager, to eventually being able to “master” my emotions fairly well. One of my bosses once described me as being very “steady”.
To read more, you can check out the e-book here: Rage and Emotional Control